she smelled like a LAN party
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
