I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize