for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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