Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
