Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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