There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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