You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
