I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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