I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
