If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
