He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
smell my finger.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
