Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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