So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
