from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
