I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
