Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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