grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
