About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
