Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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