but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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