I'm lost and stupid without you.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
