he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
