i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
