The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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