In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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