How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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