I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
