Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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