Can Purell be used as lube?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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