then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
