Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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