Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
