did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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