and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
