I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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