I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Hippo gnu deer
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My bed smells like the plague
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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