I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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