My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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