so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
