Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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