Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
