I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Mom said you looked used
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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