Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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