four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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