uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
