This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
