I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize