cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
