Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
