They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
