I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
love makes seman taste better
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
