If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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