When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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