Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
