Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
