I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
