I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You need Xanax blowdarts
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
