I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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