dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
