I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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