We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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