fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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