i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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