Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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