I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I believe in your delicious
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
