i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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