when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
